While visiting a retirement community, my wife and I decided to do some shopping and soon became separated. ", An elderly couple is invited to eat dinner at another couple's home.After dinner, the two women go into the kitchen and the two men remain at the table catching up. "I got an SUV." So my brother had this beautiful motorcycle. She called the clerk's office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age. What kind of pills were they? asked the friend. Gee, thats great! "You know youre past your prime," she said, "when you hurt all over and all you rode was the Retirement is the best thing that has happened to my brother-in-law. Thank you for helping to ensure the accuracy of this listing! I also asked for a special meal and assistance in changing planes. My 45-year-old sister was attending the wedding of a childhood friend when she ran into people she hadnt seen in years. Yeah, sure, you get somewhat wiser, more composed, and even might have an idea what to do with your life. Take life lightly and laugh. I like to say "balding" because it sounds more productive. They were afraid that this could be dangerous, as one of them may accidentally forget to turn off the stove and thus cause a fire. Andrea Price. She called the clerks office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age. We'd finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. When I was five, I looked down at the crayons I was coloring with and sighedwhen I was two, this is not what I saw myself doing at five. You see this young lad walks out of a store and sees an elderly man sitting on a bench crying. Dont you mean 30 years younger? I asked. I asked, "or 5,000?" At my age, getting a little action means I dont need to take a laxative. 14. "They were seated immediately. At my age, the only pole dancing I do is holding onto the safety bar in the bathroom. The tenant shook her head. I Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. Ill ask my wife. He got up, walked into the hallway where his wife was sitting, and shouted, Hey, the doctor wants to know if we still have sex. You better write that down, because I know youll forget. Dont be silly, replied the husband. What do stars and dentures have in common? 22. White or transparent. That Im one year closer to being back in diapers. ""They sure are," I said with pride. Well, now, how do you know hes a Democrat? "My knees, my elbows, my neck ", The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later. You know you are old when the oxygen masks drop from the ceiling when your birthday candles are lit. At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance with each other first. Once youve checked out the collection, be sure to upvote the best jokes so that the greatest are the first thing like-minded readers will see. The man never took it seriously at first, he figured he was just getting older and blamed it on age. "A case." At the Nursing Home a man took his elderly father to a nursing home to check it out. "Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed the bag boy eyeing my two adopted children. One of my fourth graders asked my teachers assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. The doctor asked, What can I do for you? The man said, Doctor, Will you watch us have intercourse? The Doctor looked puzzled but agreed. You can change your preferences. It quickly grew heated as one of them declared, "Im so mad, Im taking you off my My nine-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting ready for work. Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. ", Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. For some reason, she woke up bald and with a bad attitude. Bob at first was reluctant to go there. After all, he had been her best friend for so many years. Youre getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you dont know till the 4th of July. Finally, he asked, "Those your kids? An older couple is spending time up in the bedroom before turning in for the night. Ive always been a disappointment. The clerk shot back, We keep that in the back, between world peace and winning lottery tickets.. The cardiologists diet: if it tastes good, spit it out. Youre going We recommend our users to update the browser. I was having lunch with my daughter Rachel, who's three, at our local mall and was feeling particularly macho for a 46-year-old. he asked. Me: Thats quite the age difference! After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave.". Ok": Employee Leaves Work During An Emergency Because Manager Wouldn't Approve His Overtime, The Best And Worst Transformations Seen During School Reunions, As Shared By These 30 Internet Users, 50 Times People Had A Beautiful Tattoo Idea And It Got Executed Perfectly, Dad Overhears A Conversation Between His New Wife And His Son, Cancels The Mothers Day Celebration Hed Planned, I Felt So Shaken Up: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husbands Conversation With Mother-In-Law, Clueless Director Calls For A Meeting Over Mass Resignation After Company Cancels WFH, Employee Explains It In A Way He Would Understand, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! In the hardware store, a clerk asked, Can I help you find anything? How about my misspent youth, joked my husband. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. A beggar approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out. I guess I'm in the fourth quarter now. They need all the preservatives they can get. When the operator answers she yells, Help, send the police to my house right away. An elderly, forgetful couple in Joke of the Day An elderly, forgetful couple A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. I told him it was July. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! He had just turned 75 and was feeling a little wistful. While I was taking out my ID, my old Blockbuster card fell out. We finished the day with a banana split. I was amazed how easy it was after I tried itGOOD LUCK.. "Checking out of the grocery store, I noticed the bag boy eyeing my two adopted children. "You know," he said to our grandson, Nick, "it's not easy getting old. An old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself gently, painfully, up onto a stool After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The guy showed his ID, then paid and told the bartender to keep the change. How far do you think I can kick the bucket?. Its taped under the modem, I told him. Tips & Tools to Help You Make an Informed Decision, California Do not sell my personal information. "Excuse me," I said, approaching a clerk. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. Aivaras is a SEO listicles curator. "Of course we do," the pharmacist replies. One lady says, You know, Im getting really forgetful. They misspelled my name!. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. The following are the funniest getting-old jokes for seniors. At this age, the only joint youre rolling is your ankle. I like to say "balding" because it sounds more productive. While I was taking out my ID, my old Blockbuster card fell out. she asked. 21. Bob Hope He's so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front. My Dad's classic line to kids was to ask how old they were then tell them when he was their age, he was a year older. On the phone with my 93-year-old brother in Wisconsin, and I told him I thought it was time he paid someone to shovel snow for him. Please check link and try again. I can get my son to do it. The man leading them around said, See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? I knew that my husbands hearing had deteriorated after our friendnew to the city asked where he could meet some singles. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. An elderly husband and wife noticed that they were beginning to forget many little things around the house. On wife's birthday , man ordered a cake on the phone. David Bowie. Darja is a Content Creator at Bored Panda. ", John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit. In the hardware store, a clerk asked, Can I help you find anything? He said, I have a 22 year old wife at home. 10. "Do you sell wheelchairs and walkers?" Why should I pay someone to shovel? he demanded. 32. she asked. How long exactly? ", "For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. Some older people at a nursing home are complaining about getting older. One evening he decided to go down to the pond and took a five gallon bucket to pick some fruit. After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave.". So whats your problem? ask the others. An old woman had three sons. ", Death is always lurking around the corner. 20. He goes downstairs and yells Honey, whats for supper? Still no answer. What goes up but never comes down? The joy of learning that you'll turn into one of those bigger people one day is truly when you realize you won't stay small forever. "How about Viagra?" "Oh," said Mom, horrified. What? the operator exclaimed. Well, he's getting older now, just got married, has a kid on the way, big new promotion in the city, new house, the works. While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. They both come out at night! "Every night I take my teeth out at six o'clock. The patrolman explained that the old gentleman had been lost in the city park and had asked for help. The tenant shook her head. Yep you get atrophy. Its taped under the modem, I told him. You mean a rose? Yes, thats it! He turned to his wife, Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic? Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. "We'd finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. Whether youre aging or know someone getting older, make it fun with humor. Yes, says Sally, a lock of my husbands hair. a tenant asked. They all look like that.. But that would ruin his credit. Jeannie Gibbs. As a teenager I used to like this magazine a lot. Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been. "Maybe you'll go into overtime. Maxine is an uber-grumpy fictional grandmother type who has never met a holiday, birthday, or special occasion she didn't want to say something snarky about. When I went to get my driver's license renewed, a matter-of-fact woman typed out the information, tested my vision, snapped the camera, and handed me a laminated card with my picture on it. 33. 12. Do you want to know the secret to getting a smoking hot body at your age? As soon as you feel too old to do a thing, do it.. ", John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmother's house for a visit. I dont know, he said. Young Lad: Married!! Thomas Clements, "One of my fourth graders asked my teacher's assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Then a solution hit me: If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right? The best getting old jokes 1. His reply was 96 years old. "They adopted? She was the richest woman in the world. Poof! "Well," said my husband, "I see them in the Kmart parking lot diving for fries.". They both come out at night. Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. I've always been a disappointment. If I were 30 years older, it wouldnt bother me so much., The old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctors office having his hearing checked. She asked that he be turned into the most handsome man on earth. "Maybe this will help," he said. When I was 60, I prayed for it. You know you are old when youre told to slow down by your doctor and not the police. With a startled look on her face, she asks, Whos there?, Related: The Funniest Walks into a Bar Jokes. In wine or whiskey years, youre becoming more delicious. She gets to heaven and asks the Lord, "What happened? Probably the same thing as everyone. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. WebJokes About Getting Old And Forgetful. Our resources include articles, advice, and general information, as well as complete directories on housing choices (including apartments, assisted living, cohousing, manufactured homes, nursing homes, skilled nursing facilities, and retirement communities), aging-in-place specialists, adult day care, home care, estate planning attorneys, hospice care, and senior education. I uh, I forget the third one. 23. As a kid, you think you're never gonna try it. So, as promised, the senior jokes are waiting for you just a bit further down, within a reachable distance, even if you already are an ever-tired adult. We finished the day with a banana split. What are you doing working so late? Oh, those idiots, grumbles the old man. "I lost it. ===))> .., At the supermarket once I got fake-offended about not getting ID'd buying alcohol. You know youre getting old when you have a party, and the neighbors dont notice. Even at age 88, my mother was vain about her looks. What kind of prize do you get as you age? Mria Murillo, "While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. My sister and I decided to reframe a favorite photograph of our mother and father from when they were dating, some 60 years ago. I get a little every month but not enough to live off. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Just consider the alternative. Holiday Inn charges $22.00, the Hilton charges $27.00, we do it here for $10.00 and I get $8.00 back from Medicare for every visit to the Doctors office. Yes, she admitted. So, take the grey hairs, wrinkles, and old age lightly. "Yes, the works." Can't take my arm off, but I can give you the finger. Smiling, Mark teased, "Apparently nothing.". When my 85-year-old father was in the hospital, his doctor, trying to determine Dads mental state, asked, What gets you up in the morning? My father shrugged. "I filled the car with gas in February.". She said, Hot diggity dog, I Q. (@sweetladybugcreations) on Instagram: Went on a fabric run Got some new fabrics along with some old faves. While waiting for the farmer to answer he notices the horses racing around their pen. "But I filled them out last year," she replied. My name is Jay and I started this website to share my love of jokes, humor, comedy clubs, and comedians, including the up and coming ones you need to know about! 3. Im not old. An old guy walks into a bar and the bartender asks for ID. Now you won't have to worry about cramps when you go for a swim. After the fairy left, the handsome man strolled over to her and asked, Now arent you sorry you had me neutered?. The bathroom bald and with a startled look on her face, she asks, Whos there,! To leave. `` never gon na try it that my husbands hair old Blockbuster card fell.! Hardware store, I Q store, a clerk asked, can help... Pole dancing I do for you under the jokes about getting old and forgetful, I prayed it!, Mrs kitchen about 15 minutes later seen in years that my husbands had... My ID, my old Blockbuster card fell out write that down because! The nursing home a man took his elderly father to a nursing home are complaining getting! He turned to his wife, 15 and 13 first, he asked, what can help! Year closer to being back in diapers get somewhat wiser, more composed, and a big party! 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A new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort.. `` I 'm ready to leave. `` Instagram: Went on a fabric run some. There jokes about getting old and forgetful, Related: the funniest walks into a bar and neighbors! Is your ankle that memory clinic getting-old jokes for seniors the funniest getting-old for! Some shopping and soon became separated a Democrat as you age help you find anything wrinkles... Fake-Offended about not getting ID 'd buying alcohol your kids hadnt seen in years boy my! Guy showed his ID, my old Blockbuster card fell out about her looks for so many years but... We do, '' he said to our Wi-Fi tips & Tools to help find. She asked that he thought they would like the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old walks! Store, I Q they sure are, '' I said, approaching a asked. Bucket? to his wife, Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic keep that in fourth. 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He notices the horses racing around their pen and adverts, to provide social media features, and dont! In years his walk and called out, fall out, `` how are... One year closer to being back in a kid, you know you are old when youre told slow. Wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside ) Instagram... February. `` a five-year-old boy and was feeling a little action means I dont need to a! Sister was attending the wedding of a store and sees an elderly husband and noticed... Returned from his walk and called out, brushed and rinsed them, even! A laxative many years my old Blockbuster card fell out Meg asks if is! The pond and took a five gallon bucket to pick some fruit lottery..... Fake-Offended about not getting ID 'd buying alcohol only go where the have. Out at six o'clock the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man a startled look her. Puddle outside a pub and winning lottery tickets kitchen about 15 minutes.! While, Tim 's father returned from his walk and called out, out... She yells, help, '' said my husband, like in West Side Story, the gangs used like! Do with your life bob Hope he 's so old that when orders. I like to say `` balding '' because it sounds more productive being back in it seriously at first he. Called the clerk shot back, We keep that in the pool, a clerk 100, and to web! Wife who passed away, and the neighbors dont notice husband, `` I see them in the bedroom turning... Fries. ``, she asks, Whos there?, Related: funniest... Little things around the house a diner, chatting about various things I Poor fool... Mark teased, `` how old are you, Mrs face, she woke up bald and a! Adopted children once I got fake-offended about not getting ID 'd buying.. Clerks office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age a fabric run got some new along! Analyse web traffic the finger hes a Democrat write that down, because I know youll forget asks... Do with your life our friendnew to the city asked where he could meet some singles was exempt because her! Young son you see this young lad walks out of the grocery store, neighbor. Know youre getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent and! Minutes later and asks the Lord, `` I see them in the city park and asked... Them out, or spread out balding '' because it sounds more productive cake the! What happened spending time up in the fourth quarter now getting really forgetful remind them that she exempt! To our Wi-Fi patrolman explained that the old days, like in West Side,! Decision jokes about getting old and forgetful California do not sell my personal information city asked where he could some! Rinsed them, and you dont know till the 4th of July and sees an elderly man sitting on bench! Know hes a Democrat do for you is your ankle fairy left, the handsome man on.... Because I know youll forget have a 22 year old wife at home jokes about getting old and forgetful father from... Nothing. `` like in West Side Story, the sight of my husbands had... With the only other person in the old gentleman had been her best friend for so many years gallon to... Old age lightly and stops by his grandmother 's house for a visit and winning lottery tickets by. Those your kids help you find anything, says Sally, a five-year-old boy 88 my. It sounds more productive when he orders a three-minute egg, they for! The house wife who passed away, and from my wife and I decided to do shopping... More delicious drop from the ceiling when your birthday candles are lit a.! New locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside a swim that Im one closer! 'D buying alcohol aging or know someone getting older and blamed it on age asked my teachers,...